The Imposter

In Barnabas, we talk about "The Imposter." Richard Rohr captures the real meaning of "imposter" as he relates this false self to our :shadow Self." Many of us have fallen into the trap of believing our shadow (false self, ego, imposter…) and we have paid dearly for buying into the illusion.

Search your heart and live the truth of who you are. Even though our true self is flawed and wounded, the truth cannot fall out from under us. We can finally stand on solid ground and discover that indeed, “the truth has set us free.”

SHADOWLAND

In the second half of life, we have been in regular unwelcome contact with the shadow self, which gradually detaches us from our not-so-bright personas that we so diligently constructed in the first half of life. Our “stage mask” (persona in Greek) is not bad, evil, or necessarily egocentric; it is just not “true.” It is manufactured and sustained unconsciously by our mind; but it can and will die, as all fictions must die.

Person and shadow are correlative terms. Your shadow is what you refuse to see about yourself, and what you do not want others to see. The more you have cultivated and protected a chosen persona, the more shadow work you will need to do. Be especially careful therefore of any idealized role or self-image, like that of minister, mother, doctor, nice person, professor, moral believer, or president of this or that. These are huge personas to live up to, and they trap many people in lifelong delusion. The more we are attached to and unaware of such a protected self-image, the more shadow self we will likely have. Conversely, the more we live out of our shadow self, the less capable we are of recognizing the persona we are trying to protect and project. It is like a double blindness keeping you from seeing—and being—your best and deepest self. As Jesus put it: “If the lamp within you is, in fact, darkness, what darkness there will be”

Richard Rohr

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Time To Kick Some Chemo

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and for your prayers for my treatment today. Because the last one almost killed me I have been a little anxious about this morning. However, I woke up with a heart full of God’s love for me and the belief that He still has plans for me.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

So, forgive me if I offend you, but I am going out this morning to kick some chemo ass. It may take me down a little, but it is getting me well.

As someone who is on the journey of continually walking through my own brokenness (not always by my choice), I still feel God’s calling to walk alongside others who have found life to be challenging. I still believe in the “God of Second Chances” and I still believe that it is in our pain that we find new life.

So, if you are struggling like me, do not lose hope. Don’t resist your brokenness. Go with it and find the man or woman that is underneath the pain. I believe you will find the truth underneath all of your self protective strategies and when you are stripped of all the masks that you hide behind, you will find the truth that makes you free.

In the Barnabas Journey we have an exercise where we claim some of the gifts or the truth about who we are because of the grace of God. I am starting today with this gift of truth about who I am in “My Fathers Eyes.”

By The Grace of God,
I Am A Special, Worthy and Complete Woman,
Who Needs God’s Help

Connie

Please forgive me for not personally answering emails right now. I read every one of your words of encouragement and they provide great comfort. However, I am low on energy and am finding it hard to stay caught up. So, here is one big thank you coming your way.

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The Ego - I Thought I Got Rid Of That Last Week

A lot is being written and discussed these days about the ego. Spiritual directors, talk show hosts, “How to” books and even the Bible.

I have had some serious battles with this deceiving giant most of my life. I find it impossible to keep it contained outside of humiliation, shame or crisis. Perhaps it is because when there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to lose. My therapist told me that “God allows all of our illusions to fall because after the illusion of who we think we are or the world we thought we lived in blows up, the ground becomes stable beneath us. The truth will not collapse under our feet.” A friend says, “Life is just one humiliating experience after another.” If we have any desire to grow… humiliation leads to humility. Author Richard Rohr calls this movement of our ego into humility and service, “The Descent.”

Several years ago I went to Israel with a group of folks from the church. There were many memorable places and experiences. The most significant for me was the “descent” into Jerusalem. It was a holy moment. We topped a mountain and there spread before us was the City of Jerusalem. I was speechless as I thought about Jesus making His descent for the last time. He entered the city knowing He was about to be falsely accused and die before the Sabbath. We recognized this act of humility last Sunday, Palm Sunday. Anyone would have expected the Son of God to enter Jerusalem as a king. But He did not. He rode in on a donkey and His grass roots followers welcomed Him with palm branches. Jesus did not descend as a King but as an example of humility and grace. Jesus lived without illusion and embraced the reality of his life. As a result, He stated the truth without arrogance, power or control.

I am sorry to say that I am still at the beginning of the “descent.” How do I get from here to there? One baby-step is to begin to ask that God remove the illusions that my ego creates to prop me up. Another is to take steps to create space for His presence through centering prayer. Jesus will never compete for that place with my ego, He simply waits until I let go. Lord, give me courage so that I am willing to give or release whatever is necessary to say goodbye to my ego that destroys the gift of Your peace.

How is your ego keeping you from a humble life?

What are the illusions that you are holding on to?

How can you "descend" in your life?




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