God Have Mercy on My Soul, And Everyone Around Me

I had a devotion (aka blog) already cued up to send out tonight. It was a final thought on Mercy. It was a nice story emphasizing times when I have cried out for Mercy. Then, “tonight” happened and I knew that God was calling me to be honest rather than “spiritual.” (Well I guess that honesty is spiritual, so hopefully this is both.)

This weekend we sponsored a big event for the ministry that I work with. Not only was it a big event but it was a fundraiser, which adds more intensity and an urgency for it to be successful. I typically don’t over spiritualize “spiritual warfare” but this week grief, anger, disappointment and my own character defaults have surfaced with a vengeance. By the time the event arrived on Saturday night I was sleep deprived and bouncing between extreme thoughts and emotions. I was caught in the past, fearful of the future and feeling crazy trying to eliminate what I could not control (the past and the future.) It seems like every time I think I have found peace, I take control and once again try to rely on my own resources. It is a pattern that I hate about myself. I try to make sure that everyone else feels good about “whatever” and I neglect my own self care and the ruthless honesty that is required to walk in humility and peace.

By the time I came home from work today, I was out of internal resources (Also known as "medicine," which is a metaphor used in Barnabas.) My son was demanding and before I knew it, I snapped. His disease causes him debilitating anxiety which shows up in an inability to control his own functioning, from walking to controlling his urinary functions. I had to carry him from room to room and rather than seeing his own internal struggle, I was impatient. He urinated on the couch and that triggered the land mine in me. There was not a gentle bone in my body as I got him into the bath, got him out of the bath and dressed him for bed. As I hurled him into the chair, I broke down. Then, God gave me eyes to see that I am just like Ricardo. This week, I have been full of emotions that I cannot control, anger and anxiety that I thought I had dealt with and yet God had been gentle with me. I am so ashamed. I can’t think of anyone in the world that I love more than Ricardo, but I had no Mercy. You see, when I failed to take care of myself, like getting enough rest, spending quiet time before God and forgiving rather than resenting, I committed my darkest sin; being so empty that the kindness, love and the compassion of Jesus were not in my heart when I needed them. When anger, resentment, fear and exhaustion are present, there is no room for Mercy. It’s 10:00 pm and Ricardo and I are both resting on the couch, but the evening cost both of us. Tonight, I am crying out for Mercy.

• What are the relationships in your life that trigger your impatience and resentments?

• How is God’s Mercy for their souls different from your behavior toward them?

• Are you tired, resentful and guilty of poor self-care?

• Please take some time to re-center around the grace and Mercy that God has for you, in the midst of your worst moments. Then, watch as Mercy Comes A Runnin’.

Once there was a holy place. evidence of God's embrace
And I can almost see mercy's face pressed against the veil

Looking down with longing eyes, mercy must have realized
That once His blood was sacrificed, freedom would prevail

And as the sky grew dark and the earth began to shake
With justice no longer in the way

Mercy came running like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried was all I could see…
AND WHEN I COULD NOT REACH MERCY,
MERCY CAME A RUNNIN’ TO ME

Once there was a broken heart, way too human from the start
And all the years left it torn apart, hopeless and afraid

Walls I never meant to build, left this prisoner unfulfilled
Freedom called but even still, it seemed so far away

I was bound by the chains from the wages of my sin
Just when I felt like giving in

Mercy came running like a prisoner set free
Past all my failures to the point of my need
When the sin that I carried was all I could see…
AND WHEN I COULD NOT REACH MERCY,
MERCY CAME A RUNNIN’ TO ME

By Phillips, Craig and Dean

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The Least Of These

During the month of March, we are highlighting the virtue of Mercy. God has been dispensing mercy for years and I am grateful to be one of His recipients.

As many of you know, I have a son, Ricardo, who is a special needs child that I adopted from Mexico. July 10 will mark our 18th anniversary of his entry into the US. Ricardo has a genetic disease that was diagnosed in 2004. The diagnosis explains so many unanswered questions that we had about the first 20 years of his life and his physical/mental/emotional challenges. Because of those issues, Ricardo has required more attention, energy, financial resources, patience and love from the many people who have surrounded him.

Two weeks ago, I had to take him to one of those emergency clinics because a two day “cold” turned into a full day of a stomach virus with a fever of 103 degrees. If you know Ricardo, you know that sitting in a hospital waiting room is not his forte. We rolled him into the crowded waiting room in a wheelchair and he was crying and passionately sharing some colorful words in Spanish. Ricardo’s “emotional expression” worked for us that Friday night as we were immediately brought back to an examining room with the nurse and doctor waiting for us. When we were waiting for the results of the blood test, I pulled the wheelchair up close to my chair and he stood up to sit in my lap. As I held my 24 year old son against my chest (don’t worry, he is the size of a twelve year old) I couldn’t stop the tears as I thought back about all of the emergency rooms and hospital rooms that we had been in through the years. The memories that flooded my mind were of the people who sat with us through many dark nights. People who lovingly restrained him when he was at risk of harming himself or others, people who held him through the night praying for God to heal him, people crying with me when the doctors thought the worst and people who had not only given him love but had been loved by him as only Ricardo can love. Through this precious boy, (one of the least by the worlds standards) I have seen MERCY sacrificially and unselfishly poured out covering both of us with comfort and love.

"The King will reply, I tell you the truth,
whatever you did for one of the least of these
brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:39-41


Who is “one of the least” in your life?

How would your life be different if you were “one of the least” and needed mercy from other people?



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Your Mercies Are New Every Morning

This is the first of a weekly word of encouragement to all those who have walked through the desert of the lost and broken. We are all at different places in our journey. Some are in the middle of the desert while others taste the refreshing waters of new life. Wherever you are, a word of compassion might be God’s gift of mercy to you this morning.

Your mercies are new every morning.

So let me wake with the dawn.

When the music is through or so it seems to be

Let me sing a new song, old things gone

Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new

Nichole Nordeman

As most of you know, Grace has been my heart cry for the last 30 years. God’s grace is not just the foundation of redemption, but it is woven into every fabric of my being. This transforming grace will always be the message that I am compelled to share with others on the journey.

Last fall, I found myself in a desert so dark that the light of grace was barely shining. In a million pieces, I boarded an airplane to Colorado Springs, fearful that my life was over. It was there that I found MERCY. (Mercy, defined by Strong’s Bible dictionary, is to help one afflicted or seeking aid.)

A group of caring and kind people attended to me and wrapped me in mercy. Through their extravagant kindness and compassion, I began the slow process of crawling to Jesus. The pain of those days still surface at times, but because of their act of mercy, the grace of God is shining again. The book, “Hinds Feet on High Places,” refers to our traveling companions, Sorrow and Suffering. God sent Mercy to join Sorrow and Suffering and this morning (a day at a time), I am resting in Grace and Peace.

In what ways do you need mercy today?

Who has shown mercy to you?

Is someone in your life crying for mercy?

How can you show mercy to them?

Thanks to the Mercy Center and my angels of mercy: Father Bill, Tim, Donna, Nancy, Margaret, Josie, Russ and my friends who are on the journey with me.


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