Cruel and Unusual Punishment From My Own Therapist

Last week I went to see my therapist and I came prepared to tell him how awful life was thinking he would have some sympathy and encouraging words to help me see the good in my life. Instead he earned his money by telling me the truth. He said, “Connie, you are stubborn. God is going to continue to strip everything from you until all ego is gone.” He went on to say, “You have abused your gifts making you believe that if you love people enough, they will love you back. You have done this survival dance your whole life and by the grace of God, it is not working any longer.” He said that “You would be much happier and peaceful if you would allow the love and character of God to live out of your heart, regardless of others acceptance or rejection. This insatiable desire to be loved will continue to dismantle you until you have nothing left but a pure heart."

At first I wanted to say, SHUT UP PLEASE! Then I broke down knowing that his words rang true. I saw the ugly seed of pride that keeps hanging on wanting life to be different. Why is surrender so damn hard? What am I missing here? I want to be satisfied with simply being God’s beloved but today I cannot find my way. What more must be torn down? I know the answer is, nothing more must happen, I am already the beloved because of grace. God is crazy about me. I have spoken that truth into thousands of people’s lives but as the former “know it all” it was and is easy to believe but very difficult to live.

Written below is a beautiful picture of the truth about our ego and God’s grace.

Blessed are the pure in heart: they shall see God
Matthew 5:8

“The sixth Beatitude is about seeing and single-heartedness. It is when the mind is held inside of the heart, and never outside, which is an excellent description of contemplation, by the way. When the heart is right, seeing will be right, Jesus says. He ties together a good heart with correct seeing. It took modern psychology, and what we call the defense mechanisms of the ego, to prove that he was absolutely right.

Consider the saying, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” So is God. All we need to do is keep the lens open and honest and warm, which is the central work of spirituality. If your heart is cold, your vision is distorted. Pure motives tend to see pure motives, anger tends to see anger, love always sees loves, and God in you sees God everywhere!

There is a likeness between the seer and what is seen and can be seen. Probably Meister Eckhart (c. 1260 – c. 1328) said it best, “The eyes with which we look back at God are the very same eyes with which God has first looked at us.” Richard Rohr

• Are there areas of pride that keep surfacing hiding a deeper need to be known or loved?

• Are you willing to consider God’s lenses of love and grace that he sees you through? If so, how might your life be different?


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