Success and Failure

Remind me that failure is the experience that precedes triumph. Teach me that forgiving is most important in the strong and that revenge is the most primitive sign in the weak. If you take away my success, let me keep my strength to succeed from failure. If I fail people, give me courage to apologize and if people fail me, give me courage to forgive them. God, if I forget you, please do not forget me.

Gandhi

As someone who has succeeded and failed and landed everywhere in-between, Gandhi’s words spoke to me this morning. Be kind, be forgiving, be merciful and walk humbly with your God.

Lord please keep me “right-sized” so that I might place my life in your hands and experience your grace in my greatest failures. At the same time don’t let me ever escape the wonder and truth of being your beloved, or as John might say, “The disciple that Jesus loved.” - connie


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Loving Well

Following Jesus means letting go of our judgments, embracing humility and our humanity in order to see through the eyes of God’s love.

Humanity around and within

It's a slippery slope, letting go of the lines that divide, seeing people different from yourself as human. Let the walls that make me an "us" and they a "them" crumble, and there is a world of humanity to love. No longer can you ignore the vulnerability, the humanity, the absolute sinner and saint in all of us. No longer can you push others aside or arbitrarily categorize them.

Confronted by the humanity around us, we confront the humanity within us and expose our collective brokenness. We come face to face with the things we are capable of, for ill or good. We lose the ability to hide behind our self-righteousness or be cozy in our carefully constructed boxes of absolutism and superiority.

Anna Woofenden

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"Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor..."

I read this quote this morning and felt very proud of America’s history. I read it again this afternoon and thought about the Kingdom of God opening its gates and saying…

“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free… Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my light beside the golden shore.”

God’s grace continues to render me speechless.

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Happy Birthday Ricardo!

Today is my son Ricardo’s birthday. I just wanted someone to know. You see I love him so much it hurts. He is my hero and in his presence I experience the unlimited depth of God’s love. Ricardo is not “normal” by the world’s standard and most people have no idea that today he is twenty-seven years old. We will have a small celebration with our family but for some reason, I want to remind those who know him to remember this precious miracle who has touched so many of us with the indescribable love of God.

To Ricardo, "I love you son. You’re “abnormal” life gave me a life of love deeper than any other love I have or will ever encounter. Though you cannot grasp today’s significance, I thank God you were born and I am honored to be your mom."

For those of you who don’t know Ricardo, here is a brief description of how we met and a reflection of our unique journey together.

Today is my son’s 27th birthday. So why is that so special? It is special because Ricardo is special. At the age of four, Ricardo survived both parent’s suicide, as he watched them die. He then survived being left at an orphanage eighteen hours away from his birthplace. At this orphanage he developed meningitis that was left untreated, causing total hearing loss. He survived that illness only to suffer severe abuse that left him fearful of anyone or anything.

While on a mission trip to Mexico, I met him when he walked over to the small trailer I was staying in and tried to peek in to see what was going on. He stared and said nothing. Having no idea he was deaf, I asked him to come in and he cautiously backed away. Over the next few days little Ricardo could be found sitting out by our trailer anytime we were there. Eventually, he came inside, sat down and just stared at us with a smile that melted my heart. I could go on and on with details of our divine introduction but I would shed too many tears and the blog would become a novel.

I ended up adopting Ricardo hoping I could help him not merely survive but thrive on a consistent dose of medical treatments, therapy and lots of love. He did thrive but it didn’t look anything like I had hoped for. He never developed the ability to communicate with “normal” people. He could not be educated with “normal” kids and has never had a “normal” friend. Instead of thriving physically, his ability to play, run and walk has slowly deteriorated to being confined to a chair or in his bed unless assisted. In 2004 he was diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that will prematurely cause his body to shut down. I spent years begging God to heal Ricardo and lamenting about the undeserved trauma one little boy had to endure. I’ve asked the question “WHY” more times than I can count.

So why am I celebrating today instead of grieving all the losses? I celebrate because Ricardo has “gifts” that “normal” kids don’t have. He touched my heart and changed the course of my life. He has loved many of us unconditionally in a way that “normal” people are incapable of loving. For twenty years, he has screamed “Mama” the minute I walked through the door. My presence matters to him and his presence reminds me of the face of God, even when he is out of control. (Well most of the time.)

I can’t lift him or put him in the bath by myself anymore, but last night, his caretaker put him in the bath for me and I bathed him as I did for twenty years. Caring for his physical needs and bundling him up in a towel before putting fresh pj’s on him is one of those rare times between a mother and child that is indescribable. Even at twenty seven, because of his disabilities, there is nothing like tucking a clean little boy into bed with prayers and a good-night kiss. Thank you, God, for giving me one more day with your gift of a very special son.em>Click on the envelope below to send to a friend.

A Much Needed Prayer That is Neither Democrat or Republican

In our world of labels that divide us: Democrat-Republican, Liberal-Conservative, Black- Hispanic-White, Baptist-Methodist, Rich-Poor, we would all change for the better if we began to live "working on behalf of a God that chose justice and mercy and compassion to the most vulnerable."

"As I travel across the country folks often ask me what is it that I pray for. And like most of you, my prayers sometimes are general: Lord, give me the strength to meet the challenges of my office. Sometimes they're specific: Lord, give me patience as I watch Malia go to her first dance where there will be boys. Lord, have that skirt get longer as she travels to that dance.

But while I petition God for a whole range of things, there are a few common themes that do recur. The first category of prayer comes out of the urgency of the Old Testament prophets and the Gospel itself. I pray for my ability to help those who are struggling. Christian tradition teaches that one day the world will be turned right side up and everything will return as it should be. But until that day, we're called to work on behalf of a God that chose justice and mercy and compassion to the most vulnerable."

Barack Obama
Prayer Breakfast speech

When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you? Then the King will say, I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me. The Message
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The Glorious Truth

I read a quote this morning from William James that said, “Truth Wins.” As we wind down our series with Parker Palmer, I couldn’t help but think about his call to live an “undivided life.” His bottom line, expressed beautifully in “Let Your Life Speak,” is simply to tell the truth. We were taught to speak the truth since we were old enough to process language. But no one taught us to tell the truth about ourselves. Few of us even know that truth. We hold to the lie that started years ago when we bought into messages urging us to be something or someone else in order to feel loved, respected or successful.

How many years have we spent trying to make life work by being someone we are not? How much money have we spent to create an image that is admired and valued among our friends and colleagues? How much have we medicated ourselves with over - functioning, alcohol, food and other people as we try to detour past our deepest fear?

My dear friends, it’s time to pull back the curtain and see the glorious truth: Bringing my whole self, just as God made me and gifted me, is the best I have to offer humanity.
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Incomprehensible Suffering Requires Compassion More Than Answers

I am often saddened by Christian’s response to suffering. In today’s blog, I am taking a short detour from our work with Parker Palmer. Brian McLaren's compassionate and sound response to John Piper’s position on the tragedy in Japan compels me to speak up.

It's a lengthy read but an important conversation. Graciously, McLaren brings heart and truth to what some call God’s judgment. My prayers go out to the ten's of thousands who are hurting and afraid in Japan.

Brian McLaren's reponse to tragedy in Japan

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"I Sat Down Because I Was Tired"

Legend has it that years after Rosa Parks became the “first lady of civil rights” a graduate student came to Ms. Parks and asked, ‘Why did you sit down at the front of the bus that day?’ Rosa Parks did not say that she sat down to launch a movement, because her motives were more elementary than that. She said, ‘I sat down because I was tired.’ But she did not mean her feet were tired. She meant that her soul was tired, her heart was tired, her whole being was tired… She decided, ‘I will no longer act on the outside in a way that contradicts the truth that I hold deeply on the inside.’

Where does one get the courage to “sit down at the front of the bus” in a society that punishes anyone who decides to live divided no more. People like Rosa Parks have transformed the notion of punishment itself. They have come to understand that no punishment anyone might inflict on them could possibly be worse than the punishment they inflict on themselves by conspiring in their own diminishment.” Parker Palmer

As we continue our journey with Parker Palmer in “Let Your Life Speak,” Palmer reminds me of the voice within that is continually calling me to radical honesty and radical trust. To bring his point to light, he retells the story of Rosa Parks monumental decision to take a seat at the front of the bus.

As I sit in her shadow, I pray for the courage to keep “sitting down.” My illusions tell me I will have a better life if I go with the status quo and keep trying to win the blessing of people that will honor me with their stamp of approval. After all, that’s how I’ve lived for the last fifty-five years. But at what cost?

So many of us have spent most of our life coming to understand who we really are. I pray for younger followers in the faith to find the courage to live an undivided life. I pray that our kids will really like who they are rather than disowning themselves to be who we think they should be. People complain about younger generations and their disregard for truth. I hope I live to see the “church” filled with people who are living the truth of who they are rather than being bound in a prison of judgment and fear.

I know of no greater example than that of Jesus who never gave in to what others wanted him to be. The religious establishment had their own idea of what their Messiah would look like but it was far from the truth of God’s extravagant love. Jesus, being true to who He was and what He came to do, took a stand that led to the ultimate “punishment”… but my, he launched much more than a movement.




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My True Self

Brennan Manning says, “Be who you is cause if you ain’t who you is, you is who you ain’t. That power packed sentence is what I call my homework for life. We are all born with a unique personality and different gifts. Most importantly, we are blessed with the possibility of claiming our true identity based on God’s image of us. It has taken me 40 years of being a Christ follower to accept and rest in my true self. I found that without seeing myself through the truth and grace of God, I am constantly striving to become what my ego is telling everyone else I am. When that image takes a deadly fall, I am left to look up from the ground and offer God a needy little girl (well, perhaps I should say, “old woman.)” It is at that very moment that I begin to see my true self and find peace in who I am and who I am not. I find that I am regularly tempted to prop myself back up based on images built through my own ego or other’s perception of what they want me to be. So today I have a choice to listen to my ego, driven by fear or to listen to the truth in my heart, which is rooted in God’s love.

To continue our inspiration from Parker Palmer, he says it this way…

Today I understand vocation (life) quite differently – not as a goal to be achieved but as a gift to be received. Vocation (life) does not come from a voice “out there” calling me to be something I am not. It comes from a voice “in here” calling me to the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God

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Denying the truth about who I am and who God is causes great pain. At an early age, we are taught to live a life of self protection and self promotion in order to receive the love we crave. Once we are willing to drop our illusion that these strategies will give us what we long for, we can begin the journey to freedom.

Parker Palmer in “Let Your Life Speak”…

"True self, when violated, will always resist us, sometimes at great cost, holding our lives in check until we honor its truth. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about – quite apart from what I would like it to be about – or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions.”

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I’ve been shadowboxing with my recurring doubt about where I am going, where I’ve been and what my future will look like? Today my life is better than ever, but the doubts will always be waiting for a turn to distract me from my true self. Earlier in the week, I went back to a book that I read in 2004 at a silent retreat. It’s a little book with a big message. This book plummeted me into facing different truths about my life and I began a long journey of change. The voice of truth will forever be calling to my inner soul. I must attend to its cry. This means putting on humility and living each day with gratitude for new life - which begins again with each breath I take.

I would love to share little tidbits of this book with you in the next week of so. Perhaps there is more to your life than the life you are living.

The book is Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. http://www.amazon.com/Let-Your-Life-Speak-Listening/dp/0787947350

“By all Appearances things were going well, but the soul does not put much stock in appearances. Seeking a path more purposeful than accumulating wealth, holding power, winning at competition, or securing a career, I had started to understand that it is indeed possible to live a life other than one’s own. Fearful that I was doing just that - but uncertain about the deeper, truer life I sensed hidden inside me, uncertain whether it was real or trustworthy or within reach – I would snap awake in the middle of the night and stare for long hours at the ceiling…

So I lined up the loftiest ideals I could find and set out to achieve them. But always they were unreal, a distortion of my true self – as must be the case when one lives from the outside in, not the inside out. I had simply found a “noble” way to live a life that was not my own, a life spent imitating heroes instead of listening to my heart.

”

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