Using the "S" Word in Prayer

My 5 & 6 year old grandsons came home from summer camp last week with a few new words in their vocabulary. We talked about “good words” and “inappropriate words.” (Of course, now that’s a set up for Mimi when I use my own “grown-up” words.:-)) After we discussed the two words in question, Ben came back with, “Ommmm, Mimi, Adam said the “S” word at camp today.” I looked at Adam and said, Adam what did you say? Before Adam could speak a word, Ben shouted back, “HE SAID SHUT UP!”

After gently reminding Adam that it was unkind to say that to someone I thought about the word and realized it is perhaps the best word to describe my prayer life when I am truly connecting to God. For the first half of my life I talked to God a lot and actually considered it a pretty good barometer of my spiritual growth.

At some point in the last twenty years I got tired of hearing myself talk and realized I was spending a lot of time telling God things he already knew. After adopting my disabled son, I prayed so hard and thought perhaps if I could say just the right word, my son might be healed. I prayed the blood of Christ over him and under Him. For months, I prayed the Lords prayer over his bed after he went to sleep. I turned the table on God and started using His own words against him… “Lord,, YOU SAID, if three or more are gathered…, Lord, YOU SAID, all things will work together for good…, Lord, YOU SAID, if we asked, we would receive… and so on and on. Ultimately I had to come to grips with the fact that the God I believed in would not be so cruel as to have a magic word or phrase that I had to find in order for him to heal a little boys life. My words were not convincing God of anything.

A few years later I was in so much pain I couldn’t even speak to God. It was then that I learned how to pray. I “shut up” and listened. I had talked to God for years but never slowed down enough to listen. I’m not talking about a 5 minute meditation during a scheduled “quiet time.” I’m talking about an hour or two or three of opening myself up in the presence of God believing he was present and wanted to speak to my heart. This meant I had to get away and be silent. It usually took a while to rid my mind of my “to do list” and sit long enough for the voices in my head to stop talking. Once I “shut up” lots of things changed. I saw prayer as being all about God, not so much about me. That eliminated any pride or praise of self because I was clearly the recipient, not the self righteous Pharisee.

In 1995 I went on my first silent retreat at a catholic retreat center in Denton. We were silent for four days and those four days turned my prayer life inside out. It took one full day to be able to settle into the silence but after I did, I experienced God in ways I cannot fully explain. I didn’t speak to anyone for four days and I said very little to God. As a result, I heard God and I basked in His presence. It was as though I met him for the very first time.

Mike Yaconelli, a former youth minister expressed it perfectly after just spending a few hours in silence. He said,

“For years God tried to shout over the noisiness of my life, and I couldn’t hear him. It only took a few hours of silence before I began to hear my soul speaking. It only took being alone for a short period of time for me to discover I wasn’t alone. In the stillness and solitude, His whispers shouted from my soul, Michael, I am here. I have been calling you, but you haven’t been listening. Can you hear me Michael? I love you. I have always loved you. And I have been waiting for you to hear me say that to you. But you have been so busy trying to prove to yourself you are loved that you have not heard me.”

That last sentence nailed me. “But you have been so busy trying to prove to yourself you are loved that you have not heard me.” During my best days, I stop the chaos and business of life and listen for Jesus who tells me, “Connie, I love you. I love you. Be still and rest in my arms of grace.”

1. How much time do you spend talking to God and how much time do you spend listening to God?

2. Are you willing to start meeting God in silence? It’s scary when you think about sitting somewhere in silence. Other than sleeping, when is the last time you were silent for over an hour?

3. Have you heard God and experienced His presence in solitude? Try it!

In January, we will be offering a three day silent retreat. Let me know if you would like to be put on the list. Click on the envelope below to send to a friend.